FREEDOM
With the Fourth of July tomorrow. It gets me thinking a lot about the term “freedom”. What does it mean to be free? When do abuse victims feel free? What is the definition of Freedom to a victim? So many questions come into my mind. I recently learned that there are 6 stages of recovering from abuse: despair, education, awakening, boundaries, restoration, and then maintenance.
I have spent years and a lot of time learning about why abusers do what they do. I have watched documentaries, read blogs, and been through numerous sites. Just trying to understand an abuser’s brain. This must have been my “education” stage. I believe now that I have gone through the despair stage, the educations stage, the awakening stage, and I think I am now between the boundaries & restoration stage.
Freedom comes to mind again. I was 6 or 7 when the abuse started, and we left the abusive situation when I was 12 or 13. I am now 28 years old. So, it has been 22 years since it had started and about 10 years since it ended. But it’s funny, you hear that we left, and I feel like people assume that means you’re free. But you’re not. That is the first step to freedom. You’re free of the physical hurt but not the mental. The mental freedom will take years. I mean, even decades. But that’s okay. Each day you are a day closer and a day freer from the day before.
I think I entered my “awakening” stage in 2021 and have been on my own personal journey to freedom. June 2024 had been a year since I started Bold Untold Co. And in the last year I have been entering the boundaries & restoration stage. I’ve never been good with boundaries or the self-love. But I have been working so much on myself. Learning it’s okay to say no and learning to fall in love with me. Accepting not everyone will like me but I like me and that’s what matters. It’s amazing. It’s like each day I feel this lift on my brain that feels free. Every day it grows a little more and it’s liberating. But the journey to get here has been inconvenient, strenuous, debilitating, ugly, complicated, dark, petrifying, and beautiful. It’s been a beautiful disaster to walk through, grow through, and evoke my freedom.
I am still sad though. Sad to see others who have gone through something similar still hurting. I know that it’s impossible to force anyone to face their darkness. But I hope one day they will. Because as difficult as it is. It is 100000% worth it. It’s rehabilitating, eye-opening, freeing, strengthening, indescribable, and so much more. I hope they know when they’re ready- it’ll be one of the best things they do for themselves. Life is short and you only get to do it once. So, enjoy it to the fullest. Take risks, have experiences, love, and most importantly unapologetically LIVE it. It’ll be hard sometimes – that’s life. But live it and be free.
So, with the fourth of July tomorrow and as we all celebrate the US Independence Day. Take a moment for your freedom. As you sit there watching the fireworks, being with your friends, your family, eating your food, whatever it is you do to celebrate the fourth. Celebrate your freedom. Celebrate your wins. Celebrate how far you’ve come. Celebrate your life. Celebrate who you are today. If you’re not where you want to be yet. You’ll get there. Right now, you are exactly where you need to be. If you still have things to work through, it’s okay. Life is a journey. Not a destination. You will get there and then you’ll have somewhere else to be. But today, let’s celebrate that we are a little freer than we were yesterday.
I hope everyone has a safe and happy fourth!
With love,
Sally
xoxo
